Dealing with Disappointment – Therapy Thursday
Super Bowl losers don’t get to go to Disney World only the winners and sure it’s nice to be nominated, but we only remember Oscar winners And why? Because life is full of disappointments and someone has to lose. In theory, it’s nice that no one wants to hurt a six year old’s feelings. hence why everyone has to have a ribbon who even enters the race but are we ust setting our kids up for failure?
Children need to understand that life isn’t always going to go their way.
Which leads me to my daughter’s latest disappointment. My daughter has been taking ballet since she was 4 and she has been taking the class with six other girls since the beginning. Last year, two girls dropped because the twice a commitment was too much and that the girls weren’t interested in doing bar work for an hour. Could you?
Recently, the school held auditions for the next level. Oddly, it never occurred to me that she would not “pass” the audition. Well, she didn’t and will have to remain at the same level. As I read the e-mail, I thought “yikes” that there would girls from her current class that would be moving on and she wouldn’t. Admittedly, I was sad for her and wasn’t sure what her reaction would be.
I contemplated whether to “tear the band-aid off” now and give her the bad news or “do the chicken dance” and wait until September. For days, I would look at the email and wonder “what do I do?” Finally, I just decided to tell her because I knew she would see two of the girls in the class and she would ask them, so I just told her.
That was just the saddest thing I had ever seen, my daughter literally buried her face in her hands and burst into tears.
“What about the other girls? Are they moving up? She sobbed.
“I don’t know” I said truthfully as I hadn’t asked.
“Why can’t I take it? She asked.
“You have to work on a few things before you can move up.”
“But I really tried my best, really.” more crying
“We have to see the director, I think she can better explain.” I said thinking, she better.
Over the next few days, I had talked to another mom whose daughter has moved up. She was also in quandry because moving up meant classes went from 2 days a week to 3 and one of the classes is on a Sunday. Talk about commitment. This is New York, people have second houses they go to on the weekend and she is one of them.
A few days later, I asked my daughter if she still wanted to take ballet and she said yes. My message to her was that she wasn’t being punished and that it’s okay that she needs to work on her form. She might not be moving up but she is so good at so many other things like swimming and karate.
I think she gets it now but come September, it might another story when her two BFF are in another class.
Category: Single Mom Daily Life, Therapy Thursday
Oooh, this post made me sad. When I got to the part about your daughter bursting into tears upon hearing the news, I got choked up as well. Disappointment is so hard to take, even as an adult and with the coping skills/resources we have.
I think you did a great job with how you told her and how you handled her questions. I’m also glad she is not giving up on ballet altogether. Just because she didn’t move up now, doesn’t mean she won’t next time around. Sure, it will be hard to have her BFFs in the next class, but I hope it doesn’t change their friendship and perhaps she’ll be right along with them soon.
it is hard to deal with disappointment but you handled it well.