Therapy Thursday – I admit it, I have a therapist
Yes, I have a Therapist. Once you put it out there, you can’t take it back, right? I have been wanting to post this for awhile but have been reluctant. Sure, I have tons of pictures of my daughter and me, exposing other parts of my life but a therapist expose, the horror.
I think once you admit you have a therapist, you are all but acknowleding something is amiss in your life.
So how did I end up with a therapist. First, let me say, Dr. R. is my family therapist not my “therapist” (I am sure that I need that too, but one problem at time.) I am pretty sure she is a therapist for all that ails you which is why I chose her, I figured maybe once I get over this particular need, I would move on to working my own self improvement.
My family, that’s how I ended with a family therapist. Since they don’t read my blog, they will never know what is being said about them. Of course, this when they will choose to visit and well, hilarity will not ensue.
This summer, we were supposed go on a beach vacation with my extended family (explaining my family will take another post).
Last year, we drove down with my “parents, Nana and Pop Pop” (these are people who have been there since my both my parents died and my daughter’s grandparents) from Virginia to South Carolina which is an 8 hour drive. Needless to say, my daughter was not a happy camper on the trip and was somewhat I am not going to say out of control but not wonderful. She does what any 5 year old does, I think. She vies for your attention all the time, interrupts your conversations, whines, pretends she is car sick to get out of the car so she can stretch her legs (okay maybe that’s not normal.) Well, we did only stopped twice in eight hours. And the way back, I can only describe as angry and belligerant talking back in a way that was soooo unusual.
While at the beach, she was pretty much a nuisance, running after the big kids who pretty much thought she was gnat. Was she a good listener, no? Was she out of control? I don’t think so. Was this Nanny 911 territory? NO.
Since the vacation, my mom has been asking me if there was an improvement in her behaviour and am doing anything to correct it. Needless, to say yes but sort of not. Let’s face it, dealing with a 6 year old is an ongoing process and is she perfect no and am I perfect. She is what I have taken in my informal poll of other parents, a typical six year old, sassy, talks back and not so great listener.
This year, I was expecting to go to the beach but not really looking forward to it. Frankly, I just didn’t want to deal with driving down with them again and sent an email saying I was going to rent a car so we could stop when we wanted…
Well the response I was expecting was sure, no problem. What I got (via email) was they did not think it was a good idea that we come, given my daughter’s behaviour last year and that they did not see any improvement when we were there in January. To say that I was taken aback was an understatment so I sent back an email, rather snippy one at at that (why??? Note to self, nver send emails in anger.)
The next email was even more blistering about how I was disrespectful and more to the point ungrateful for all they had done for me. I, of course, apologized profusely which was sincere knowing they in their own way are trying to help me and am now trying repair the relationship. This is difficult since they don’t live here.
Somewhere in all the emails was the suggestion that I need to see a therapist.
Is that a good reason to see a therapist? Appeasing your family, maybe not but the alternative is to have to deal with why I am not seeing a therapist.
So there you have it.
How’s it going? It is going well but is my daughter perfect. Hell, no. Anyone with kids will tell you, life is fluid, somedays are better than others. Actually, some minutes are better than others.
Next week. I will tell you about my first meeting with Dr. R.
Stay tuned.
P.S. She knows that I am going to write about my seeing a therapist.
Category: Therapy Thursday
I have a therapist too. I mean who doesn't! I started seein [I'll call her Dr.T] after my divorce was finalized. I was walking around mad as hell, and dealing with alot of anger [I still am to be honest with you] It was the best thing I ever did. I wish I had done it sooner.
My Grandmother [god rest her soul] thought I was nuts for seeing a therapist. "Black folks don't do that"! Was her motto. She was an old school black woman from the South, and just didn't get it. "Just deal with it dammit"! lol
I tried the whole therapist thing too and it did nothing for me. I get more out of talking with my closest girlfriends.
That being said, I don't have the best relationship with my family, but I accept it. Good luck, be open and honest when you share with your therapist and remember that it is your life.
I need a therapist….my family lives waaaaaay too close!
[...] so every day is going to be struggle to NOT to engage. This edition is part 3 of Therapy Thursday. Part 1 – Therapy Thursday – I admit it, I have a therapist Part 2 – Therapy Thursday – The First [...]
[...] Finding a therapist is not as easy it seems. This is New York City, famous for it’s therapists, if you believe all the movies you see. But after asking around and not getting any recommendations for a therapist, I decided to see if my insurance paid for therapists and hurray for me, they do. Too bad this is the year I decided to go the high deductible route. Oh well. So how I did I choose my therapist? Location, services offered and gender. I wanted someone who could feel some empathy but be objective, so I went with a woman, sorry guys. In addition, I wanted someone who just didn’t focus on family issues but was more well rounded. I figured hey, why not continue once I sorta of gotta a handle on the child/parent thing and who wants to start all over with someone new. After talking to a few doctor, I settled on Dr. R. not sure why, just a gut feeling . We arranged a time to meet. After watching a gazillion movies./tv shows with therapists, I thought this will be interesting. Expectation = Reality. Not! Does it ever? Dr. R’s office is near my neighborhood in a rather non-descript building with a rather non-descript lobby. I guess I should be grateful its not in some fancy Park/Fifth Avenue location which would make feel nervous, I am nervous enough about this process. The elevator lets you off into the smallest little lobby if you want to call it lobby. It is occupied only by a small bench and post office boxes for the doctors. There are two separate entrances, not sure why. There is whole elaborate system to call your respective doctor which took a few minutes to figure out even with the instructions. Push a button, then wait for a buzzer, then do this, AAAGGG! Let me in already. Once through the door, there is another waiting area, comfortable, chairs, sofa and magazines lying around; very typical waiting area. So I sat there for a couple of minutes and then Dr. R stuck her head out. That part, I swear is just like every show (In Treatment, anyone) and movie I have ever seen. Just struck me as funny. Dr. R. looks like many New York women, well groomed, well dressed, thin and attractive. Probably in her in mid-late 30s, I am bad with ages. As I whizzed by the other offices, I could see they were pretty much laid out the same way, sofa, chair, desk and bookshelf. Each office was the size of good size bedroom. Dr. R’s office has a homey feel to it. The sofa is quite comfortable with funky pillows. The lying down part, I think is pretty much a made up invention but what do I know from one therapists office. I think it would be weird for me to be talking to the ceiling and not be able to see the therapist’s face while you talk. So she asks right off the bat. Why are you here? I told her that while I needed help parenting my daughter, basically, I came at the suggestion of my family after they disinvited me on the family vacation. This is when I knew I would be coming back. I am not sure if therapists are supposed to be stoic/expressionless people but her reaction was priceless. Her look was one of surprise and shock. Frankly, every time, I told people the story, they have the same gut reaction. “What?” Her comment after hearing that was, “how exatly does that help you?” My retort, “exactly.” I then explained how this came to be, the misbehaving, the vacation last year but regardless of how I ended up here, I did some help in parenting my daughter. So the other half of the session was talking about my relationship with my daughter, the not so great listening, having to repeat myself, lack of consistency, all typical wouldn’t you say. Then the 45 minutes was over. My homework: Write down my goals for our sessions. Easy Until next week. Stay tuned. Click here if you missed part 1 – Therapy Thursday (1) – I admit I have a Therapist [...]